Shifting.... Such a Pain!!!

Shifting from one apartment to another is a big trouble; both for your pocket and of course your health. It is like leaving a part life in this place and taking everything to some other place to start from scratch. But this shifting can be such a pain to your heart I never had an idea!!! Missing your nosy neighbors and your good friends may not matter much. But when you unfold and unpack all those stuff which you had kept ducked away in some dark corner as you never wanted to see them again yet didn't have the guts to dispose them off, every small painful moment comes back to you all at once. You revisit the part of yourself you never wanted to see again. Everything is unleashed and you are in hell all over again!!

The moment, when you believe you have moved on, is the moment when a small spark crosses your sight and you are back to square one. It is said small moments make big memories. Yes they do. But what is hidden in this quote is that those memories of small moments are enough to kill you every single second for the rest of your life. All those memories lived in few small moments are the only things that are left of that person in your life. Minuscule things like his shirt, his pen, his umbrella, his little gifts, his handwriting in your old diary, the things that give the essence of his smell, of his presence in your life, the things that give you assurance that those moments were not simply your imagination. They happened in reality, however short it may be, it wasn't your dream. How much ever that person may try to make it look like he never existed, you always know better. We often wonder after a hard break up or what shall I say, so called “wake up call”, that what was it like for the other person, did anything ever mean to him? Did he mean anything he said for real? And then the obvious question, why could not he hold on to his part of the deal? We keep wondering and one day these questions vanish but we never get the answers.

When you touch those small things which used to matter a lot, you get the feeling of missing something. You miss yourself. The person you were that time, that liveliness, that smile, that inner cheerfulness, that happiness and peace. You miss that life within yourself. It’s the part of yourself you have lost there that you mourn now more than the person who has left you strangled with these painful memories. You have to force yourself to even smile now, you have to force yourself to think about the pros of life, you have to push yourself hard to even live, to be the person you were, your natural self, to be the person he fell for once! And the most sarcastic and ironic part is that person won’t have any of your things to remember you by. Any of your belonging or things which would remind of you would either be fed to the dustbin or incinerated out.

Then, when all of a sudden Some random unknown person comes and tells you that you deserve better and you are very good and bla bla bla, you only wonder one thing, if I m so good, why was I not good enough for him? You would have laid your life in front of that person, given everything you ever had, all your love and support, but still something was simply not enough to make him feel the same for you. With one person by my side I can take on the whole world alone, but what do I do if that person turns out against me? He gets power enough to destroy you cell by cell so that you can never stand up again, never feel again, so that you can never live again.

Life is hard, unfair and unforgivable, but why is it so only for the people who fight hard every day to keep their emotions alive and for the people who fight for what they believe and love? So not fair! But the only thing I have in my power is my smile. I have been told that I have a beautiful smile. I have used it to mask all my emotions and all hurricanes raging inside me till date. I have the power not to let anyone know what I m going through. I have the power to be happy and stand up again from the ashes and shine even brighter this time, because my flame is not from someone else this time, it’s my own. I can be a phoenix. I know I can feel again. I don’t know if love is made for me or not, but I know one thing, I have been gifted this life and this is mine to live to the fullest. I am allowed to be sad and down at times only to turn up with a brighter smile. And one day I’ll smile from my heart again! I will never turn to a stone; I’ll simply learn better and see through the flashy surface. One day I’ll move on and that day I’ll dump off all the unnecessary, meaningless and painful stuff before I shift!